How I am coming to Life

Surgery Thursday

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:21:01 GMT

Soo..Thursday I go under the knife.
I am a bit nervous but I am looking forward to the relief of pain that the surgery is supposed to give me.
I am getting a laminectomy and microdiscectomy. Back surgery..

I will be in the hospital for a a day or two then I am going to come home. The sucky part is that I am not
supposed to get out for a couple of weeks. I have asked some of my addict friends to bring a meeting to me
a couple of times a week while I am sitting in my apartment. I sure hope that they follow through with it.

I will be out of work for a month. This will suck financially but it will be awesome because I will get to sit on my
lazy ass for a month and watch crappy daytime television.. Maybe I can get caught up on all my soaps..Not really, I hate
soaps.
I have made arrangement regarding pain medication. I have been sharing in meetings about my feelings about taking narcotics. I have been talking with my sponsor and surrounding myself with other addicts.
I have done everything I am supposed to do to prepare for this surgery. I feel pretty confidant that I will do ok.
On a lighter note..My truck rocks the house.. One of these days I will take some pictures of it.. I have installed a touch screen DVD/GPS/SIRIUS/CD player.. Its got every little bell and whistle imaginable..
anywho..
I am headed to school to withdraw...and this sucks pretty bad.. BUTTTT.. I will be back in full force for summer school and ill be ok. anything worth anything is worth waiting for. It will only put me behind one semester..
anywho...thats my update

so yea

l8r

A good Republican?

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 05:15:52 GMT

What ever happened to good old Barry Goldwater.. We need more republicans like him! hell, even some mroe democrats like him!

"However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise.
There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious
beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than
Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme
being. But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's
behalf should be used sparingly.
The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their
religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following
their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups
on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a
loss of money or votes or both. I'm frankly sick and tired of the
political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if
I want to be a moral person, I must believe in 'A,' 'B,' 'C,' and 'D.'
Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to
claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me? And I am even
more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every
religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my
vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today:
I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their
moral convictions to all Americans in the name of 'conservatism.' "
-- Barry Goldwater

(1909-1998) US Senator (R-Arizona)
Source: Congressional Record, September 16, 1981
http://quotes.liberty-tree.ca/quote_blog/B...ater.Quote.6FCC

back surgery...:(

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 20:51:00 GMT

well it does not look good for me..
I was in a wreck a month ago and it looks like it caused me to rupture a disc in my spine.
My uninsured motorist insurance covers up to $25,000.. Surgery runs around $45,000.
Anyone wanna loan me some money? lol

Dumb bitch that hit me had no insurance and doesnt have anything worth suing for..Pisses me off royally..
But it could be worse.
I could have been killed...
So...

I am dreading tuesday...It is when I find out my options as far as my back is concerned..

so yea

l8r

New Years Eve

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 20:13:50 GMT

So I guess I should do one of those best of 2007 posts huh..
well here goes.

1. I was in Love..She wanted marriage RIGHT NOW..I said marriage later. she left me. It hurt

2. Moved back into old apartment building

3. Got a chevy truck!

4. Wrecked a chevy truck

5. Got a ford truck.

6. Saw Neil Young in concert

7. Had more sex than I probably should have

8. Stayed clean another year

9. Finished another year in college

10. got more tattoos

11. took out piercings

12. started taking testosterone replacement (see item 7)

13. Lost 3 friends to suicide

14. started using mouthwash

15. made new friends

All in all it was a good year..A tough year but a good year. 2008 will be another year that I will get to try and make it awesome.
I have figured out that my life is controlled by me.. Shitty year? My fault.. Awesome year? My fault!

Anywhos..Here is wishing all my friends and family a happy new year..

so yea

l8r

Christmas

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 21:34:25 GMT

A great Christmas..Always wonderful to see everyone in a good mood.
I got some great gifts..
Neil young guitar picks..
Count Duckula and Danger Mouse cartoon DVD's.
Stuff for my guitar.
a PDA..
Pizza cutter and basting brush.
electric toothbrush.
money.

Definitely more than I deserved.
I am grateful to be alive today.
Now if I can only get this damn truck bought.
lol.

so yea

l8r

life...what a crazy trip

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 05:02:44 GMT

So I am test driving a truck right now..
Since my last truck got totalled out by a drunk driver with no insurance...asshole.
I like this one. I think I may get it.

I was liking this girl..but things didnt turn out like I hoped they would..
Oh well. things happen like they happen and thats the way they happen.

I talked to an old girlfriend the other day. I think about her often and she texted me out of the blue. It was really
good to hear from her. I would have loved to see her but our schedules conflicted while she was in memphis for a couple of days.

All my friends are relapsing left and right. literally.
I need to be really careful. I think it might be in the water..
but..I am about to go check on one of those friends now. I dont think he is doing well.
so yea

l8r

grades

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 20:41:01 GMT

So far 2 B's and an A.
Waiting for one more grade.
Damn that makes me happy!

so yea

l8r

Thanksgiving..From William S. Burroughs

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 01:43:02 GMT

G-d Bless you Mr. Burroughs..
G-d Bless you.

so yea

l8r

Plastic Jesus

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 04:41:26 GMT

Got to love cool hand luke!

Luke: [Discussing God and the rain] Let him go. Bam, Bam.

Dragline: Knock it off, Luke. You can't talk about Him that way.

Luke: Are you still believin' in that big bearded Boss up there? You think he's watchin' us?

Dragline: Get in here. Ain't ya scared? Ain't ya scared of dyin'?

Luke: Dyin'? Boy, he can have this little life any time he wants to. Do ya hear that? Are ya hearin' it? Come on. You're welcome to it, ol' timer. Let me know you're up there. Come on. Love me, hate me, kill me, anything. Just let me know it.

[He looks around]

Luke: I'm just standin' in the rain talkin' to myself.

so yea

l8r

another day

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 09:17:48 GMT

another day..I am alive. I cant complain..
I put up some Neil young pictures on Myspace so if you want to see them go there..

Life has been pretty good. I cant complain. School is almost out for the semester..THANK G-D!
Turns out I only have a year left..I thought it would be a year and a half but it looks like only a year.
So..that rocks!

I have been meeting a lot of new people lately. In Cleveland and Clarksdale. I am just making friends left and right..
I remember a time when I could not even leave the house because of my Social Anxiety...terrible shit..

Its just good to know that I have become a better person than I once was..And still could be..but am not..

Seymour is acting silly as usual..
someone asked me what I would do if someone came up and kicked my cat..
I told them that I would beat the shit out of them and then smash their face in with my foot or a brick..
They said I was crazy.. I said that Seymour is like my son..

and he is..
I love that cat more than anything..
He is my baby.
Its weird how an animal becomes part of you. I guess especially for me because its just me and seymour..And he has been with me through some hard times and good times..
He is the cutest thing ever..\

How could you not love that...
or this one.

I am the luckiest father in the world!!!

so yea

l8r

Neil Young

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 07:02:46 GMT

Neil Young..What else can I say.
It was the most amazing show and my seat was so close I could spit on him if I wanted..(of course I would never spit on Neil!)
He came out and played 6 or so songs by himself and his acoustic guitar..Amazing. A tear fell from my eye when he played the first song.
After that he took a small break and then came out with Crazyhorse. They rocked the freakin house.
Ill post some pictures up when i get some time.
All I have to say is that I had a great time.
I got to hang out with a really close friend and had the greatest time hanging out with her. Sucks she lives so far away.
But anywho.
I really need to get to bed. I have class tommorrow.
Ill update later with full trip report in a friends only post! sucks if your not a friend!

So yea

l8r

Small town "Christian" fundies

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 03:14:45 GMT

http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=18942682&BRD=2038&PAG=461&dept_id=333461&rfi=6

Recently, while browsing the online Clarksdale Press Register my interest was sparked by an article about religion and politics. It was talking about politicians using religion as a base for their campaign.The author was stating how he felt that the candidates should use their merits instead of their church to base their campaign on.
In the online press register you are allowed to post comments to articles. Someone posted a comment concerning John Eaves' plan to implement Bible Study and public prayer into the schools. The poster stated that she would join his team in a second if for a minute he/she thought Mr. Eaves could do it.

Here is where I come in. I decided to post a reply talking about that very subject. I said that I felt any politician that would bring religion into the public realm was not worthy of that position. I used the comparison if the Satanic Bible were forced on children in school or satanic prayer was said in class would you think that is a good idea. Obviously no Christian would stand for such a thing.
My point was that what would make them think that other people would want to have to study the christian bible. Their are Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Atheists, Wiccans, Pagans, and a number of other types of thinking that would not want to have Christian based learning in their schools.

So I posted my thoughts. And what I got back was deplorable. These ignorant Christians Fundamentalists came back with mudslinging. They felt it would be better to call people names that to come up with any relevant information.
One poster stated that I must think it is ok to allow muslims knowing they hate Christians and that I am the type of person you dont want to sit next to on a plane. Real snappy comeback Jethro!
The full text as of today is under the cut. More posts will probably be made tommorow. Link is at the top of the page!
It saddens me that people think it is ok to persecute other just because the think their bible says its ok.. What a bunch of fucking pricks! I am not Christian and I am proud of who I am. I have a relationship with G-d and I really dont care if the Christians think I am going to hell or not..I know in my heart that I am right where G-d wants me to be and that is all that matters.

Who's on first?	Oct, 25 2007
	After reading through all of these responses, I find it very difficult to understand what each person is trying to say. One sentence they seem to be pro-Christian majority and the very next sentence contradicts that. Here's the deal, like it or not. When prayer was taken out of the schools and such a big deal was made over religious statues being on government property is when the majority of the problems with out youth started. Drugs and gangs flourished. Little by little the moral character in so many of us started eroding, myself included. Putting prayer back into school will not fix the problem overnight, but the problem wasn't created overnight. Ms. Kell should consider a little more education herself before she starts condemning others. English grammar is a wonderful thing, but despite her errors, it appears that she just doesn't like Republicans, referring to her misguided statement about Rudy Guilani. I'll bet she likes money though, despite it being issued by the government, but having "In God We Trust" on it. As for Mr. Woodward, I don't know, but he needs help. His arrogance, defensiveness, and general attitude is disturbing. Gerald M seems to be on the right track, thank God, because I was beginning to worry if there were any "normal" folks left out there. Maybe if I got what some of these people are smoking and a pair of rose colored glasses like Elton John wears, I would see the world differently, but until that time, I will, if nothing else, continue to spell God correctly.


	Jonna Kell	Oct, 24 2007
	ok. you guys are retarded and it's people like you that are destroying America. people came here to escape oppression of monarchy, aristocracy, and religion. that was the original american dream that this country was founded on. maybe if you had went to college you would have learned something. it's called seperation of state and church. America is amazing but it's nothing like what our country was intended to be. these politicians use christianity like guilani used 9/11. the only reason we were attacked by "terrorists" is because christianity is flaunted as the main religion. maybe the "terrorists" need to be reminded that christians aren't the only ones here, and just because you aren't christian doesn't make you a muslim. and being muslim doesn't make you a terrorist.


	Rip Woodward	Oct, 24 2007
	To the anonymous poster who starts off with "While Mr. Woodward". While I appreciate your non abrasive post, I think you have missed the woods for the trees. I understood completely what Mr. Lewis was saying, hence why I told him I appreciated his article. the other poster stated that if Mr. Eaves really could do all that he said he would, he/she would join his political team. My post was simply stating that our country was founded on the belief in separation of church and state. No one has ever forced me to pray in public. I never stated that they did. I simply stated that I felt that bringing religion into the schools is a bad idea. The reason I spell G-d the way I do is out of respect for G-d. It is a holy name according to the bible. The commandment not to erase or deface the name of G-d comes from Deut. 12:3. In that passage, the people are commanded that when they take over the promised land, they should destroy all things related to the idolatrous religions of that region, and should utterly destroy the names of the local deities. Immediately afterwards, we are commanded not to do the same to our G-d. From this, the people inferred that we are commanded not to destroy any holy thing, and not to erase or deface a Name of G-d. This is from the same bible most everyone uses. And to Gerald M. I worry about your psychological well being if you infer from my statements that I think it is ok for Muslims to kill. I think murder or any form of violence is abhorrent. The reason I am the first person that you have heard say that is because either you do not meet new people very often, or the people you know are afraid to voice their opinions for fear of comments like yours that are quite arrogant and mean spirited. I love America, I love G-d. I love the constitution. The thing that bothers me is that certain people feel that just because they think they are "right", then everyone else must think the same way they do. In fact. Nowhere in my post do I wish the Christian majority would leave or even state that I am not a Christian. You assume that that is indeed what I want which is not the case. I have read the bible more times that you know and feel I have a pretty good understand of the teaching that are within that wonderful book. AND I WILL NOT KEEP TO MYSELF BECAUSE YOU SAID SO. Dont be so openminded, your brain might fall out. You know, Jesus ate with people like me. He ate with sinners. I can admit that I am a sinner and that I fall short of G-d's grace. Can you?


	Gerald M.	Oct, 24 2007
	Mr. Woodard seems to be one of those people you worry about getting on an airliner with. If I interpret him right, he thinks the Muslim religion is fine and should be allowed, knowing for a fact that they hate Christians. There is a term in psychology for someone with a personality like he is portraying, but I'm sorry to say it's been too many years ago when I learned it to remember it. Basically, he is trying to act like a Ted Kennedy follower when actually he is following no one. What gets me is he is the first person I have heard of, not counting TV, that was against prayer in school. As another contributor said, this disturbs me. God Bless America. If you don't like it, move or keep to yourself because the Christian majority has no plans of leaving any time soon.


	Opinion concerns me	Oct, 23 2007
	While Mr. Woodward made some good points, or maybe points to ponder would be a better description, I think that if he looked around he would find that he is in a minute minority in his philosophy. That is his right as an American although I hope his slant on religion is not indicative of what the younger generation in our country believes. He is having a hard time seeing the woods for the trees. In Mr. Lewis's article and in the other opinion submitted, he seemed to read and interpret them as he wanted to, not as I think they were intended to be. If my opinion counts, I believe both were all but saying basically the same thing that Mr. Woodward did. They were critical of candidates leaning on religion for the purpose of being elected to a political office. However, his demeanor is disturbing. Has anyone ever told him he had to participate in prayer, or forced him do participate in Bible study, whether at school, at church, or at Walmart? I don't think so, and they never will. Yet another principle our country was founded upon. And another principle he seemed to have conveniently forgotten is that in a democracy, majority rules, and in case he hasn't realized it, he is in the minority, at least in as Mr. Lewis said, "the Bible belt." I have one question in closing. I would like to know the significance in his deliberately not spelling out God's name?


	Rip Woodward	Oct, 23 2007
	" John Arthur Eaves states that if elected...he will institute courses on Christianity in the schools. That sounds fabulous....right? Well, if I though for one minute Eaves could do this, I would be out working full-time for his candidacy, 24/7" No offense to you but, any candidate wanting to bring religion into the political relm is not worthy of the office. Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, James Madison, and even honest Abe Lincoln were pretty rabid atheists. (Abe Lincoln came to believe in G-d later in life although he remained anti-organized religion) Our country was founded on the idea that we dont have to be subjected to anyone elses beliefs. Would you like to be made to participate in a school led Satanic prayer? How about a class on satanism? I didnt think so. What would make anyone think that others would want to be made to learn about Christianity or participate in a school led Christian prayer. While I think belief in G-d is wonderful, and I do believe, I think it is not only close-minded to think "your" religion is right and theirs is wrong but, to be so bold as to suggest that you think it would be a good idea to implement that into the schools is very disheartening. To Mr. Lewis, I appreciate your article. While it is obvious what your beliefs are, I felt that you agree that religion has no place in politics. It is a shame when someones platform is "I am a member of such and such church" instead of what they really stand for and can do for the government.


	It's a scary thought.....	Oct, 22 2007
	It's a scary thought to think that many citizens of the great state of Mississippi will believe some of the garbage coming into our living rooms via television advertisements. One particular ad comes to mind correlates to this excellent editorial. Gubernatorial candidate, John Arthur Eaves states that if elected, he will bring prayer back into the public schools. He goes further and says he will institute courses on Christianity in the schools. That sounds fabulous....right? Well, if I though for one minute Eaves could do this, I would be out working full-time for his candidacy, 24/7. BUT, any half-way educated person knows that this not something the governor of Mississippi or any other state can do, no matter had much they want to. Such action would require federal legislation and more than anything else, U.S. Supreme Court consent. The sad part of it all is that many who hear this, including some of the educated electorate, will go deaf after hearing it and will vote for this lying man. Yes, he is lying, because he knows good and well that is not possible, and by definition, that constitutes a lie!. Something needs to be done about political ads. My thought is that a bi-partisan board should be appointed that would have to approve or disapprove all radio, TV, and written media ads. What are the chances of that happening? About as good as John Arthur Eaves putting prayer back into public schools.

so yea

l8r

short poem

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 07:19:31 GMT

Immaturelovesong

by Rip W.

It does no good to water a dead flower,
or a dead relationship.
Can we still be friends?
Maybe one day, but today......................
I hate you as much as I love you.

Hold on to the laughing and smiles,
Sqeeze tight the hugs and kisses.
Never forget the moments when infinity
was in our eyes. Be nice to the dogs.
But today, all it is is a memory..

Don't expect a hug hello.
Today there is no friendly exchange.
Today there is no kiss goodbye.
Today, there is only bitterness.
There is no maturity in a broken heart..

Pink Hair for cancer

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 00:27:27 GMT

Just got in from doing a free color for a lovely woman.
She is in her 60's and is going to have breast surgery Thursday for cancer.. I talked her into dyeing her hair "breast cancer awareness" pink to go into her surgery with.
She went for it! She loved it.
the newspaper showed up and took some picture and might write a story. who knows.
It feels good to help someone feel positive about such a terrible situation.
She was laughing so hard when she left.
It makes me feel good to say, "you dont owe me anything"
She insisted I take a tip, which I eventually took.

But her, her daughter, and her grandaughter all got pink in their hair to support her..
It was really nice and uplifting.
I have a ton of papers due friday.
I should be typing my paper instead of this.
so...

so yea

l8r

Good Christian Mother.. HAHA

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 15:35:31 GMT

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 05:00:28 GMT

Praxis I

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 04:20:22 GMT

Registered for the Praxis I.
Its a teachers exam for all those that do not know what it is.
$170.. Damn, somebodies gettin paid!

so yea

l8r

Sweet Dreams Meredith

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 01:59:17 GMT

I told you that i was going to keep my eye on you, make sure you didnt get into any trouble.
I hate it that you were taken away from us so soon.

I know your not suffering with all the bullshit that day to day life brings us.

So now you can keep your eye on me and make sure I dont get into any trouble. You will be missed.

And I will never forget you because we had the same birthday.. May 7th rules!

Sweet Dreams Meredith and tell G-d I said hello.

R.I.P. Meredith.

Tired

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 00:34:37 GMT

I am so tired and frustrated.. Work is making me crazy. Someone asks me to dye their hair to its natural color then complains that its too dark.. ITS YOUR NATURAL COLOR, GET MAD AT G-D, NOT ME.

School is stressful. Paper after paper..
But I know it will so be worth it in the end.
As soon as I graduate I am out of Mississippi. I dont know where I am going but I am going somewhere other than here.
Other than that life is good.
Just grateful to be alive..That really all we can expect.

so yea

l8r

Working on the sleeve

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 16:07:14 GMT

So I took my friend to memphis this weekend so she could catch her flight back to Colorado. We had a great time!
She got a new tattoo and I put down a deposit on my sleeve. Next saturday at 9 p.m. I will begin serious work on my tattoo sleeve. The guy, Joe, is going to be redoing some of the shittier work I have and doing a lot of background stuff. I am really excited.
His portfolio looks good and he seems like a good guy who really wants to do quality work. So I am excited.

Life is pretty good these days, confusing as shit, but good nonetheless.
I have been doing alot of thinking on literature lately. Thanks to one of my teachers, Mr. Mitchell, I think I would like to focus on the effects of drugs and addiction on literature. I would like that to be my specialty since I have experience in both. lol

I have been so busy. I havent even been able to make my 3 meetings a week. I have been going to one and two meetings a week which is still good. I often wonder, Is there a point when I will be ok enough to stop attending meetings regularly. I dont want to stop going, I just wonder is there a point where they are not needed. I have met people with many many years clean who still attend meetings regularly, and I have met people who havent been to a meeting in over a decade and are doing great.

I think that I am probably one of those people that will go to meeting the rest of my life. Not only do I get support from them, but I enjoy them. I like the fellowship.
But anywho.
Life is good and I am happy about that.
I bought Seymour a halloween costume and I will post pictures of it when I dress him up!

so yea

l8r

Suicide

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 15:50:08 GMT

I just deleted my friend Clint out of my phone. This is the third friend this year that killed himself.
This one hurts the most though. I was with Clint yesterday afternoon helping him put tint on his windows and
he seemed ok.
He shot himself at 1this morning. Goddamnit Clint, why didn't you tell someone you were feeling like this.

He seemed ok. I feel like I should have been able to tell something was going on. I mean I have been there before, I have really wanted to die. Why couldn't I have spotted something.

I am so angry at him right now but at the same time I am sad.
Clint was a great guy. He was funny and always smiling.
He would give you the shirt off his back. Drugs and depression are a son of a bitch though. Fucking addiction really fucks some lives up.
GODDAMNIT CLINT! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!

I am so fucking angry right now that he did this.

He could have called me or anyone else and told us he was feeling like this.
He was a wonderful human being and he will be missed.

so yea

l8r

weekend

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 02:13:44 GMT

So this weekend proved to be crazy.
1. I filled someones apartment with smoke. to the point it looked like a huge fire must have been burning the apartment. (just a science experiment with smoke bombs gone wrong)

2. I got tickets to the Wilco show thursday. I am going with my (BFF) A.E. She is the best.

3. I might be playing my guitar live in front of people with a friend I have in Cleveland. I am nervous.

4. Have actually done some homework.

So far school is going ok. I get so flustered though trying to remember whats due when and then having everything due at the same time. Makes me crazy. There is a small chance I might not get into the school of education because of my grades when I was on drugs 6 years ago. My college fell by the wayside when I was using an my grades showed that. But worse case scenario is I have to go one extra semester. Which isnt that bad.
I have made a lot of new friends in Cleveland. Its really nice to have people like me even when they know I dont drink or do drugs. Most everyone under 30 either smokes pot, drinks, or both and so far the ones that do are ok that I dont and respect me for that. I really like that. It feels good to be clean and I plan to stay clean for years and years.
But anywho.
life is good.

so yea

l8r

Craziness

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 00:14:05 GMT

So.. Life has been crazy lately.
School starts tommorrow. I am nervous about that.
Its been in the 100 degrees lately, and unless you live in a humid area then you have NO idea how hot 100 degrees is. Its equivelant to 120 in a arid area.

I just has a very crazy experience. Someone that used to be in the program tried to attack me in public. He has been drinking. He never hit me, He tried though, but he didnt. He then got in his vehicle and sped off only to be pulled over by a cop watching the whole thing. They asked me did I want to press charges. I couldnt do it. I just hope that he can see that people in the program still care even when addicts keep using. He could have went to jail for DUI, assault, and disturbing the peace. But he didnt. So the beef he ad with me is over.. Of course it was about a girl, isnt that what every problem between men are.

I was so worried about the confrontation but it really wasnt bad. I stayed calm the whole time, my adrenaline never got pumping, and I felt fairly peaceful through the whole thing.
I have realized some things because of this though.
Defects can still come up and cause havoc after years clean, Kindness is never a bad idea, and no matter what, I should always try and be as spiritual as possible, even when I have done things that dont seem to spirutual.

I let my sexual desires and defects take over my thoughts and lead me to bad decisions. Vigilance is written in the steps for a reason. I always have to be aware that even little actions have consequences.

School, I am worried about Dr. Ford. She hates me and she seems like she unfairly grades my papers. I am supposed to take her this semester but I dont think I am ready for her right now. I might try and drop her but I dont know. We will find out tommorrow. Matthew got registered for school so I will see him around campus which is cool.
Sometimes I dont feel like I am a very good sponsor. I do some really dumb things from time to time. Matthew was with me when the situation with the police went down and I wonder does he look at that and say, Is this what I want for a sponsor. I hope not.
I really need to think before I act. I tend to forget that alot. But I have grown so much over the past years. I guess the saying progress not perfection would apply here.
But yea. I am glad that I have practiced kindess today. It has really helped in some situations.

so yea.

l8r

so I am frustrated

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:55:35 GMT

I have been very frustrated.
1. My computer is at my house, but it is still having problems.
2. I have all these great ideas for songs but cant put any of them into the computer because I do not understand cubase for shit.
3. My dad is an immature dick sometimes.

I really really want to record some music but I just cant even begin to undestand the learning curve of Cubase and MIDI..
any experts out there wanna help?

I have got this great idea for a song with an acoustic guitar (which I play) and a string arrangement (which could be done with MIDI)
Its so frustrating sometimes to have the tools to do something but not know how to use them. The only thing separating me from the song is knowledge... grrr

I celebrated 5 years clean wednesday.. Doesnt feel that special but, I am glad I am here.
so yea

l8r

update

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 04:15:15 GMT

My computer has been in the shop.

I am lost in the Cubase program.

I am tired.

so yea

l8r